“Let Go or Be Dragged”
One of my favorite and simultaneously least favorite sayings within recovery is "let go or be dragged."
When an experience feels so hard or so exhausting, I am often reminded of the claw marks I am leaving in a specific situation. The claw marks signify many different emotions and fears that lay beneath the surface.
Emotions often keep us stuck or paralyzed in a situation where change is necessary to move on or move through.
This statement is often associated with persons in recovery. However, we feel it is also quite relevant for family members within the affected system. We are frequently asked, can you let go and still love? Is letting go the same as giving up? Won't this make things harder for my loved one?
All of these questions are valid and relevant when addiction or mental health struggles are present. We are not saying to forget or give up. We suggest learning a new way to love, reframe what love is in the midst of chaos and crisis. Holding on to a version of love that shreds individuals and families from the inside shows a shift is in order.
“Each time you stay present with fear and uncertainty, you’re letting go of a habitual way of finding security and comfort”
Making a shift creates an opportunity to look at your own fear, anxiety, and worry. Then, to face how your relationship with those feelings and/or experiences can shift or create an opportunity for change.
Being dragged is often an automatic response. A pathway in your brain may be so deeply ingrained with this response. Shifting takes practice, being present, and being aware.
Renowned author and Buddhist nun Pema Chodron writes, "Each time you stay present with fear and uncertainty, you're letting go of a habitual way of finding security and comfort."
In this respect, every time you don't shy away from discomfort, you are helping to rewire your response system towards a new way of coping and being. The result will be creating space for deeper, more meaningful connections.